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Here is the funnest thing i have ever read in my life!
Courtisy of www.funnyjunk.com
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Great Quotes
"There is no beast without crulety"
-Cradle of Filth
"if your not a metal head you might as well be dead"
-Kerry King
"Its all fun and games untill some one gets hurt, then its hilarious"
-Jay Donegan
"Good, bad, im the guy with the gun"
-Bruce Campbell, Army of Darkness
"Chaos is a friend of mine."
-Bob Dylan
"A rock band used to be four guys and a drummer. Now it's five guys sitting around reading manuals!"
-Bill Bruford
"Das Leben ist Kurzschluß, bilden ihn kürzer."
(life is short, make it shorter)
-unknown
"You tremble carcass? You would tremble even more if you knew ehere im taking you."
-Vicomnte de Turenne
"You shall know nothing if you have not known everything. And if you are timid enough to stop with what is natural, Nature will wlude your grasp forever"
-Donatejen-Francois de Sade
"Never leave me Jake, I love you"
-Christene Kardon
"Margret!!! YOU SONE OF A BITCH!"
-Jim Carry, The Mask
"I live for sex, drugs, and rock and roll. and the Rock and Roll is paying for my sex and drugs."
-Ozzy Ozborne
"Fuckin...metallica/Fuckin shit planet fuck"
-Billy Joe Armstrong, Greenday
"TK-421! TK-421! Why arent you at your post?"
-Offecer Lutenite, Star Wars
"Unshadow thyselves children. The reign in flesh begins again..."
-Dani Filth
"So haunted is my silent heart
Dreaming only of the moon
When velvet darkness falls tonight
The thirst crescends anew...
Only for you"
-Unknown
" Kiss it all away
It gnaws at me all through the night
Enough thoughts of death to give anyone a fright
Little did I know it would all change that day
her soothing presence upon my weathered life
It all decayed
Something new grew in it's place
The radiant smile upon her face
Laying under the stars that day
her soothing presence upon my weathered life
Old memories came back to haunt
She kept it away
Made sure I was here to stay
The memories were just a taunt
her soothing presence upon my weathered life
The pain has been kissed away
There's no fear of death during the night
No more living with fright
I now know how much changed that day"
-Logan Peterson, for more of his awesome poems go to www.actinicexistance.deviantart.com (copy and paist it on to that bar thingey up there /
Read this, it may save your life...
Live out your life. If your one of those people who always look at the bad things in your life, i feel sorry for you. You cant change the past (and hurting yourself over it wont help) but you can fix the present and rearange the fuiture. You say you have nothing to live for, bull shit, you have so much to live for its not even funny. life is about booze, sex, and parties, not razors and pills. so "come on feel the noise" live your life, and dont shove it in the dirt.
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You Might be a redneck if...
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck. *
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World. *
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist. *
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard. *
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
Taking your wife on a cruise
means circling the Dairy Queen.
You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner. *
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one couzin named 'cletus'. *
You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
You have ever made a pool out of the bed of your truck. *
You go to a family renunin to pick up women.
Your wifes hairdo get destroyed by a celing fan.
you ever played horseshues with toilet seet lids. *
You ever lost one or more teeth opening a beer bodle. *
You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment. *
THE * APPLY TO ME
Great Atreyu song... www.atreyurock.com
Coward, the next time you want to fuck me over stab me in the front
Can I still see my future in your eyes,
or can I picture myself dead in your embrace
And your cruel crimson red smile, kills
Everyone cared about you. Why couldn't you
Instead your greed compelled you to steal other silver linings.
No one could have their moments free from your withering touch.
Fuck off like you're the only person that has ever cried or been broken by love
Spare me your pity party drunk off your own misfortunes
Wallowing in your blissful melancholy
.can you taste my blood. You knew that this would kill me. But you carried on and on
with your selfish shit., everyone cared about you. Why couldn't you
instead your greed compelled you to steal other silver linings.
burnt down my world, you killed my hope
spread out the ash and walked away
how could you just close off your eyes.
turn tail and run, you are the greatest coward
damn right I am still pissed..
next time I see you we will see who has the upper hand
kiss me fist. Taste the floor. Tired of your games. fuck off goodbye.
Eddie Quotes
ok, before you start to read this i want you to know that Eddie Motley (a.k.a Eddie Torez) is the funniest person in the world! some of the quotesm wont make any sence untill you see the eddie video my friends made. But im gonna put them here any way.
1. "Why u fwem me"
2. "We not supposed to go inside bro!"
"Eddie were allready inside"
3. "Where your sweatshirt at?"
4. "Stop that all my moneys are gonna fall out"
"hey eddie how much money you got"
"Ummm, ive got about...five bucks worth"
5. "Sammie!"
6. "Thats toxic!"
7. ::"the eddie cough"::
8. ::"the eddie fall"::
thats all i can think of right now, ill put more on later
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